


Good Thing You Can Heal That

by EmeraldTrash666



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Gen, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldTrash666/pseuds/EmeraldTrash666
Summary: When Dante is seemingly replaced by a demon imitating his appearance, Patty takes it upon herself to avenge him.Meanwhile, Dante wishes his friends would stop bullying him.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	Good Thing You Can Heal That

**Author's Note:**

> First DMC fic! It's been 500 years since the last time I got to use the "canon typical violence" tag. God bless.  
> Why is Dante so freakishly hard to write?

A cool fall breeze blew through the open window of the shop, rustling the orange and black paper chain as Patty carefully taped it to the desk. She hummed cheerfully to herself and reached for another piece of tape. 

Dante’s moods, Patty had noticed, tended to fluctuate wildly between carefree whimsy and bitter, no-fun-allowed apathy. This past week, it’d landed on apathy, and as a result he’d stubbornly insisted that he would  _ not _ be taking part in any festivities for a certain spooky upcoming holiday; Halloween, he claimed, was a kitschy, overly commercialized holiday for kids. It wasn’t like he outright hated the concept- But he’d been quite firm that it had no place in a business like his, despite being so thematically appropriate. 

Well, it had been a valiant attempt, but he wasn’t getting out of it that easily.

If there was one thing Dante’s grimy old office needed (aside from a new paint job, regular cleaning, and some new curtains), it was Halloween decorations. It was the season of scary! The best part of fall, time for creepy-cute decor and fun costumes!  _ Someone _ needed to teach grumpy old Dante to appreciate the finer things in life. Besides, Patty thought, once he started getting into the spirit of things, she was sure the holiday festivities would help cheer him up.

And so, she’d hatched a plan. Patty knew that Dante, lazy as he was, had a habit of sleeping during the day; That was when she’d make her move. Over a period of several days, she’d gathered all manner of cute Halloween decorations, and now that Dante had fallen asleep? Now, it was time to strike. By the time Dante awoke, Devil May Cry would be the spookiest place in town- And not just because of the latent horror of Dante’s living habits for once.

“...No…”

Patty paused, going carefully silent as she glanced towards the couch in concern. She let out a sigh of relief after a moment; Dante had only been talking in his sleep, something he had a tendency to do. (Patty had heard everything from slurred taunts at imaginary opponents, to very bizarre-yet-confident pizza orders, to things she really did  _ not _ want to hear, thank you very much.) Reassured that her scheme was proceeding according to plan, she resumed decorating, ignoring whatever mutterings she heard from Dante.

“...Stop… don’t… get ‘way from them…  **_No!”_ **

Patty gasped at the strange, eerie voice that suddenly replaced Dante’s- And clasped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming at the sight before her.

Where Dante’s sleeping form had once been, there was now a…  _ Creature,  _ massive and red, with draconic spikes and an otherworldly flame that spewed from cracks in its leathery skin. Patty stood frozen in fear as the demon (Yes, of course it was a demon, she realized, what else would it have been?) glanced around the room, its gaze thankfully avoiding the desk; After a few seconds, it let out a low growl, ran a clawed hand down its face- And, with a flash of red light, suddenly turned into… Dante?

Patty’s eyes widened in horror as she realized just what was going on- And what she needed to do. With trembling, untrained hands, she took a deep breath, and reached for Dante’s sword.

* * *

Dante groaned as he let his magic dissipate, running a hand down his face. It wasn’t often that he shifted into his demonic form in his sleep, though it had happened before; He must have been having a hell of a nightmare to provoke that reaction. Not that he could recall much more of it than a few lingering flashes of childhood memories.

Whatever.

With a sigh, Dante fell back into the pillows, closing his eyes once again. He wasn’t sure yet if he’d be going back to sleep or not; His heart was racing despite how exhausted he felt, and-

-Dante let out an involuntary gasp as something suddenly hit him with enough force to expel the air from his lungs. His eyes snapped open at the annoyingly familiar sensation of something going through his sternum, and immediately he found himself face-to-face with a familiar blade and a familiar set of hands. 

“Die, monster!” Patty shrieked, wiggling Rebellion furiously in a weak attempt to remove it from Dante’s chest. (Oh boy, his ribs did  _ not _ like  _ that _ feeling, no they did not.)

“Patty?!” Dante exclaimed in shock. “What the hell are you doing?!” For a moment, he wondered if she’d been possessed- But the look in her eyes was not that of a demon, but rather an enraged nine-year-old.

Patty ignored Dante’s bewilderment, instead stomping on his hips  _ (Ow) _ as she put all her body weight into once again driving the sword into him. 

“What have you done with Dante, you bastard?!”

...Oh. So  _ that _ was what this was about. 

“Woah, hey, hold on,” Dante said as he put his hands up in surrender, being careful to move slowly so as not to startle Patty. “I know what you just saw was a little crazy, but I can explain, so-”

“Shut up!” Patty spat. “Just tell me where Dante is!”

“I am Dante,” Dante replied calmly. “Could you please just listen to me for a minute?”

Patty shrieked as Dante began slowly pulling Rebellion out of his chest; She jumped away, and ran to the desk. Dante heard the rustling of drawers, and moments later, a gun was in Patty’s hand.

“Woah, woah, put that down! You don’t know how to use that thing, you’re gonna hurt your-” Dante flinched as a bullet hit him square in the eye. “...Ok, lucky shot, I guess.”

“My friend Lady taught me how to shoot, so I can defend myself from demons like you,” Patty said through gritted teeth.

“Ah, great,” Dante deadpanned, reaching up to remove the bullet.

He winced at the sickening squelch that echoed inside his head as he pulled the bullet out of his eye socket, flicking it haphazardly onto the floor; Nothing quite like having to regrow a few organs immediately after waking up from a nap, he thought with a sigh, as Patty began clumsily reloading the gun.

“Alright, look. This isn’t exactly something I go around telling everybody I meet, but I’m half-” Dante paused to lean out of the way of another bullet. “-I’m half demon. I know it’s a little weird, but-”

“The  _ real  _ Dante is a human!” Patty snapped, firing another round.

Dante sighed. “Yeah, I’m that too, but- Geez, would you knock it off already?!” he blurted out as several more bullets struck his chest. (He’d been avoiding defending himself for the sake of not freaking Patty out further, but he was starting to think that whole idea was counterproductive after all…)

“Never! Now _ die!” _

As Dante contemplated whether or not it would be worth it to simply go back to sleep and let Patty wail on him until she got tired, the front door swung open with a creak.

“Hey, I- What’s going on?” Lady asked as she walked in, eyes going wide at the scene. “Patty?! Why are you shooting Dante?” 

“Lady! Thank goodness you’re here!” Patty gasped, rushing over to Lady’s side and pointing accusatorily at Dante. “That’s not the real Dante! It’s a demon impersonating him!”

Lady blinked, her hand instinctively going to the gun at her side. “What?”

Dante rolled his eyes. “Look. I was taking a nap, I accidentally DT’ed in my sleep, and now Patty here is-”

“Don’t listen to him, Lady, he’s just trying to manipulate you! It’s all a trick! I saw it, there was this big scary demon with horns and fire and-”

“Lady, back me up here!”

Lady’s gaze flickered from Patty to Dante; Dante saw Lady relax, and then she tilted her head curiously at him, a mischievous look in her eyes.

“Hmm… Well, I’m just not sure who to trust here. How do I know you are who you say you are?” she wondered.

Dante’s posture deflated. “What?”

“I told you, he’s not the real Dante! It’s a demon pretending to be Dante, I saw it,” Patty insisted.

“And  _ I _ told  _ you,  _ I’m the real Dante,” Dante retorted. “I’m half demon, always have been. Not  _ my  _ fault you didn’t get the memo.”

“A likely story!”

“Yeah, very likely,” Lady chimed in, taking a seat on the floor with a smug look on her face.

Dante sighed.

“Alright, look. Here’s the deal. My mom was a nice, normal human lady, my dad was a demon bug dude who all the other demons hate,” he recounted in an irritated tone, gesturing in either direction with his hands for emphasis before bringing both hands together. “Nice human lady and demon bug dude fall in love, have their cutesy little Disney romance, get married, have some messed up little demon babies, and now I can do  **_this-”_ **

Patty yelped and ran behind Lady as Dante once again activated his devil trigger-

**_“-Which YOU have seen me do like, a bazillion times, so cut the crap,”_ ** Dante finished, pointing a clawed finger at Lady. 

Lady stared calmly at Dante, and nodded. “Yup, looks like a demon to me,” she decided.

Dante put his head in his hands.  **_“Why are you doing this?”_ **

“Well, if my dear friend Dante has been replaced by a demon, that’s my business,” Lady replied, tilting her head as she feigned mild concern. “Especially since…” She smirked, and leaned in, poking Dante on the nose. “He owes me a lot of money.”

“Kiss my ass,” Dante muttered as he reverted to his more familiar form. 

Patty narrowed her eyes in suspicion at the pair. “You don’t seem very concerned, Lady,” she noticed.

Lady shrugged. “What is there to be concerned about? I can take him.”

Dante stuck his tongue out at Lady. 

Patty hesitated, still hiding behind Lady; Dante could see the gears in her head turning as she listened to their playful banter, yet she still seemed to watch him with careful suspicion. 

“...If you’re the real Dante, then… What’s… What’s Dante’s favorite food?” she asked, with an accusatory edge to her voice.

“Pizza, everything on it except olives,” Dante answered instantly. 

“Alright, maybe that was too easy,” Patty admitted. “What about, uh… Dante’s… Second favorite food?”

“Strawberry sundaes.”

“Third favorite?”

“I don’t normally eat anything else,” Dante replied with a shrug.

“It’s true, he doesn’t,” Lady admitted.

Patty chewed her lip; Clearly, she was going to have to think of more difficult questions. “Hmm… What’s Dante’s favorite movie?”

“Toss-up between  _ Die Hard  _ and  _ Barbie: Princess and the Pauper.” _

“You  _ are _ the real Dante!” Patty realized with a gasp. 

Dante leaned back against the couch, crossing his arms. “That’s what I’ve been saying. So, got anything you’d like to say?”

“If you’re half demon, why are you a demon hunter?”

Dante huffed. “That’s  _ not _ what I meant,” he muttered. “How about, ‘Sorry I stabbed you with your own sword and ruined your shirt and got blood all over the couch, Dante’? Or maybe ‘Sorry for accusing you of being a fake’ or ‘Sorry I shot your eye out, Dante’?”

“You shot him in the eye?” Lady questioned, turning towards Patty in surprise.

“Yes! She did! There’s probably still  _ eyeball guts _ on the floor!” Dante exclaimed, pointing in frustration towards the bullet on the floor. 

“Damn, nice job Patty!”

“Thank you,” Patty replied, smiling at Lady before taking a deep breath and turning back towards Dante. “I… I’m sorry for attacking you, and I will clean up the mess,” she told him hesitantly, though she looked less than pleased at the idea. “But you really scared me, you know?!”

“Sorry. I was asleep, it was an accident,” Dante explained, sincerely apologetic. “To be honest, though, I’m surprised you didn’t already know. I mean, you  _ were _ there when Lady shot me that one time…”

Patty blinked. “I… I always thought that had been just a weird dream.”

“Oh, that was no dream,” Lady interrupted with a laugh. “Sorry for picking on you, by the way, Dante. It was just too funny of an opportunity to pass up.”

Dante rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure it’s hilarious when you’re not the one getting shot at.”

Lady simply chuckled once again. Dante shot her a look, but otherwise ignored her, settling back with a yawn.

Even with his eyes closed (and one, frankly, still a little bit sore), Dante could sense the way Patty stared at him, the floor creaking under her feet as she walked slowly around the couch. The corner of his lip twitched in irritation as he tried not to react; It was only natural for Patty to be curious, he reminded himself, especially at her age. Yet he couldn’t help but feel a pang of unsettling discomfort at being stared at like some sort of museum spectacle.

“...So… You can just… Turn into a demon?” Patty questioned hesitantly.

“Sure can,” Dante replied, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Can you do it any time, or does it have to be a full moon?”

This got Dante to open his eyes, letting out a slight hint of a laugh as he raised an eyebrow at Patty. “What am I, a werewolf?”

“Well, I don’t know how it works!” Patty huffed. 

“Alright, fair,” Dante gave in with a shrug. “Nah, I can do it whenever. I just don’t do it unless I have a reason to.”

“Like what?”

“Like if I’m fighting a particularly tough demon, and I need some extra firepower,” Dante answered. “To be honest, though, that doesn’t happen too often lately… Been a while since I had a real good fight,” he admitted, frowning in disappointment.

“Maybe something interesting will show up one of these days- It is almost Halloween, after all,” Lady pointed out. “Or you could always beat up Trish for a bit.”

Dante gave a snort of disbelief. “Where’s the fun in that? I’ve fought Trish a hundred times. We both know each other’s tricks by now.”

“She told me it’s only been 92.”

“Whatever, same difference.”

As Lady stood up, stretching out casually and sauntering over to the fridge, Patty continued watching Dante with a mixture of curiousity and suspicion. Dante frowned slightly; He hoped he hadn’t freaked her out too much. Poor kid.

“Hmm… What else can you do?” Patty wondered.

Dante paused, not sure where to start with that question. “Uh… I dunno, a lot of stuff?”

“Show her the Luke Skywalker trick,” Lady called out from over by the fridge.

Dante hesitated, glancing from Lady to Patty with an unreadable expression.

...After a moment, Dante wordlessly stretched out his arm. Suddenly, Rebellion shot up from the floor, flying into Dante’s open hand.

“Vmm, vmm,  _ ksssh,” _ Dante hummed in imitation of the famous lightsaber sound effects, moving swinging his sword to mimic the choreography. He couldn’t help but crack a smile as Patty’s face lit up with awe and amusement.

“Woah, do that again!” Patty gasped.

Dante grinned. “Sure thing.”

Patty laughed and clapped as Dante threw Rebellion at the dartboard on the wall with pinpoint accuracy, and then immediately summoned it back, catching it high above his head with a flourish.

Patty squealed with excitement- Evidently, her apprehension had vanished. “What else, what else?!”

“What else? Well, let’s see…”

With a smirk, Dante stood up from the couch, and then the show began.

For a good minute or two, Dante indulged himself in a little bit of performance, showing off flamboyantly for Patty. He ran up and down the walls, jumping and flipping in every direction, dashing around, even teleporting- Though even the things he normally considered nothing special were astounding to Patty, who watched the whole time with eyes wide with awe. When Dante finally finished, landing perfectly in front of the couch with an exaggerated bow, Patty cheered as loudly as if he were an Olympic performer.

“Wow! That was amazing, Dante!” Patty exclaimed, bouncing up and down in excitement.

“Thanks, I’ll be here all night,” Dante joked; The smile on his face, however, was sincere. With a contended sigh, he flopped down onto the couch- And then frowned. “Ew, I forgot the couch is all bloody…”

Patty grimaced. “Um… L-Let me clean that up, and… You can tell me about the other stuff while I do that,” she decided. “‘Scuze me, Lady.”

Lady politely moved out of the way, leaning against the desk and making room for Patty to retrieve the cleaning supplies from the back. “That was quite the performance, Dante,” she commented in amusement, taking a sip of soda.

(Once she was sure Patty was distracted, Lady smirked at Dante, briefly pantomiming holding onto a pole; Dante responded with a shrug and a wink. Lady fought back a laugh.)

“Hmm, other stuff… I guess everything else is pretty passive, to be honest,” Dante mused, as Patty returned with some rags and a bottle of cleaner. “I mean, like you already saw, I’m not exactly easy to kill. Plus I don’t have to eat, drink, or sleep nearly as much as ordinary humans- Hell, I technically don’t even really need to breathe,” he admitted.

“Then how come you’re always sleeping?” Patty asked, spraying a few squirts of cleaner onto the couch.

Dante shrugged. “I like sleeping.”

“Lazybones.”

“Hey!”

“You know, when you put it in perspective, it makes his habits almost even  _ more  _ weird,” Lady commented, walking over to join the three in the living area. “Think about it. This man eats nothing but pizza and ice cream, for no reason other than his own sick enjoyment- Scary!”

Dante threw his hands up in exasperation. “Look, I  _ like  _ pizza and ice cream! So sue me! Why’s everybody always getting on my case about it?!”

“And… How much do you owe the pizza place, again?”

“None of your business,” Dante retorted with a glare.

“Hey, speaking of debts,” Patty interrupted. “You know, Dante… You really scared me back there. I think you should do something to make it up to me,” she decided.

Dante raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t I just do a bunch of dumb tricks for you?”

“That was a demonstration, not an apology,” Patty told him in a matter-of-fact tone.

Dante sighed; He could tell from her attitude that Patty clearly had something up her sleeve.

“Alright… What did you have in mind?” he asked, already dreading the answer.

Patty grinned.

“I want you to take me trick-or-treating,” she replied.

Dante groaned, his posture deflating. “Seriously?”

“Seriously!” Patty repeated.

“I already told you, I don’t do Halloween stuff.”

“But you owe me!”

“I do not!”

Lady tilted her head curiously at the two. “What’s the harm, Dante? Trish and I are both going,” she pointed out. “It’ll be fun! And besides, it’s good for you to get out sometimes. Like, somewhere other than the diner, I mean.”

“Wha- Why are  _ you two  _ going?!” Dante blurted out in disbelief.

“Because I asked them to,” Patty answered for her. “And unlike _ you,  _ Lady and Trish aren’t boring.”

“And because it sounded fun,” Lady added in with a shrug.

Patty nodded. “Yup, anyway, you owe me for scaring me so you gotta come with us,” she declared, tugging Dante’s hand. “And you  _ have  _ to wear a costume.”

“What if I don’t?”

“If you don’t, then… uh…” Patty paused for a moment to think about it. “...If you don’t, then I’ll cry,” she decided with a nod.

Dante gave a snort. “Geez, you’re brutal… Fine, I give in,” he sighed, putting his hands up in surrender. “I’ll join your little party, but don’t embarrass me, alright?”

“Yaaaay!” Patty cheered, and Dante blinked in surprise as she suddenly latched onto him, wrapping her arms around his waist in a hug. “Thank you, Dante! You’re the best!”

Dante blushed in embarrassment, hiding a soft smile as he gave Patty an awkward pat on the head. “Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

Several days later, Patty rocked back and forth on her heels at the entrance to Devil May Cry, her ornate princess dress softly illuminated by the last light of the setting sun.

“Geez, what’s taking Dante so long? It’s almost time to go,” she complained.

“He’s probably doing his makeup or something,” Trish replied, as she absent-mindedly adjusted her large witch hat. “I’m sure he’ll be out soon enough.”

“What’s he going as, anyway?” Lady wondered.

Trish shrugged. “No idea. To be honest I think he was planning on skipping out- I caught him trying to sneak out the window just before you two got here,” she admitted.

Lady sighed. “Of course… Maybe I should go check on him, make sure he’s-”

Before she could finish, the door swung open with a creak. Out from behind it came a rather irritated-looking Dante, his trademark red jacket replaced with a cheap vampire cape.

“Seriously? That’s your costume?” Lady questioned sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at Dante. “Couldn’t you have been a little more… I don’t know… Creative?”

Dante glanced for a moment at the shiny, well-fitted prince costume Lady had adorned herself with, before answering with a simple, “No.”

“I’m just glad he’s wearing a costume at all,” Patty conceded, and smiled at Dante. “Thank you, Dante.”

Lady snorted. “Fair enough. Now then…” She bowed towards Patty, holding out her hand with a dramatic flourish. “Shall we depart, milady?”

Patty giggled, and took Lady’s hand. “Why, certainly, Prince Lady!”

The trio set out, walking casually down the street, slowly joining (much to Dante’s reluctance) the streams of colorfully costumed trick-or-treaters. As they walked, Trish glanced up at Dante in amusement.

“By the way… Aren’t those fangs a little bit redundant?” She commented, raising an eyebrow at the plastic vampire teeth that sat in Dante’s mouth.

Dante blushed, and muttered something under his breath.

“Hmm?”

“I said, they’re stuck,” Dante mumbled, glancing away in embarrassment.

Trish took a deep breath, and for a moment- One brief, blessed moment- She almost succeeded in not laughing at Dante’s plight. But it was only for a moment, and soon she was doubled over in hysterics.

“Wh- Why did you- Why did you even think it was a good idea to- to  _ try  _ wearing those?!” she wondered between giggles, wiping away a tear as she struggled to regain her composure.

“Aw, shut up!”

“You  _ have  _ fangs, Dante! Why- Why w-would you wear plastic ones?!”

“I was  _ trying  _ to be traditional!” Dante insisted. “Everybody does the shitty vampire teeth, I just-”

Dante’s sentence was drowned out by the sound of loud screaming. He rolled his eyes; Did trick-or-treaters really have to be  _ that  _ dramatic? Surely whatever cutesy haunted house bullshit was up ahead couldn’t have been that-

“Well, so much for a calm night,” Trish deadpanned as she finally stopped laughing, and Dante blinked as he realized that the chaos before them was  _ not  _ simply Halloween decorations.

“Ooh, that’s a big bastard,” Lady commented casually, letting out a low whistle at the sight of the large demon. “Haven’t seen one of those in a while. Too bad I left Kalina Ann back at the shop… Patty, get behind us.”

Patty hurriedly obeyed.

“Dante, you wanna take this one? I don’t wanna ruin my costume, it’s cute,” Trish decided.

“Sure, I could use the exercise,” Dante replied, smirking through his ill-fitted vampire teeth. “Now then…”

Dante dashed ahead of the group, grinning with glee at the thought of the fight ahead of him as he closed in on his target.

**_“Trick or treat, asshole!”_ **


End file.
